Defeat

May I learn to endure, even knowing I am no longer the king I once believed myself to be.

And I know I’m not.

I found my weakness — the one thing that can break me, that can draw tears no one thought I could shed until they saw them fall.

I know the agony of losing everything I once ruled. My fears blur together, shapeless, drowning me.

I want to stay where I am, but fate drags me back into the void, rips me apart from inside, flinging me into the emptiness — as if the cruelty itself were a reward I somehow deserved.

May I endure, even if I grow old alone, my back turned to a world that long stopped seeing me. Those who once knew me now walk past without a glance.

It isn’t sickness or death that truly kills.

It’s the loss of love.

The loss of meaning.

It’s being left to rot inside your own silent agony, unable to fight back, unable even to scream. These are the choices life makes for you.

I find some hollow peace watching my friends — they exist without feeling, side by side, until the end swallows them.

If my words ever pull tears from your eyes, it’s only because I forced you to look at the true face of suffering.

May I find the strength to stand, even if I must poison my days just to survive my nights.

There is no understanding left.

No arms left open.

No eyes left shining with love.

If life were stripped from me, at least I would not leave behind any more sorrow. No one else would have to grieve what I once was.

No one would have to remember.

And when I finally find my angel with blue eyes…Only then, perhaps, will I be at peace.


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